REVISIONIST HISTORY

How much of the past can be believed..... Let's face it, the past isn't always as simple as we remember. We all have specific (or non-specific) memories of events and the words that were spoken during them. AND unless we are a member of a reality show and have a video camera constantly following us around, we really don't have a way to prove, step by step, what exactly transpired. So being human, we put our own spin on things.

And sometimes this means that we don't communicate as clearly as we want to. Other times it means that the other person doesn't really hear what we want them to hear. Of course we want to say that they didn't listen well enough, but maybe it is that we didn't say what we thought we said.... or we said it in such a way that it wasn't understood the way we hoped it would be.

I know that this was a major issue in my marriage. In fact, it still seems to happen when I try to communicate with that now less than significant other. AND there is probably no one to blame or enough blame to go around and around and around again.

So maybe writing to that other person is one way to insure that he or she truly knows what we are sharing. Even then, it seems that things get lost in translation. So, should we give up trying to communicate? Or repeat ourselves incessantly each time adding a few different words or putting emphasis in different places in order to make sure our message gets through? That might help, but nothing really insures that down the road, a day or a week or a month from now, my words won't get twisted and turned into something other than I wanted them to be. Unless we can always carry around and be prepared to play back one of these:

I guess one of my favorite authors said it best (at least once or twice):

"I meant what I said and I said what I meant. An elephant's faithful one-hundred percent!” 

― Dr. Seuss, Horton Hatches the Egg

“Be who you are and say what you feel,
because those who mind don't matter,
and those who matter don't mind.” 
― Dr. Seuss

The Tsunamis of Life

Somewhere between the old and the new.

Displacement

To be displaced means to be dislodged, dislocated, moved, shifted, repositioned; moved out of place, knocked out of place/position.

Yes, knocked out of place about sums it up.

In terms of Physics : Displacement refers to "how far out of place an object is"; it is the object's overall change in position.

That works too. Right now I am sitting in a tiny apartment a 21.9 miles (34 minutes) away from my home. Of course, my home is just a mental construct at this time. It is not really there. Yet, how much I long to be back in it. I miss silly things. Sleeping in my own bed (not going to happen again, best get used to it). I miss the way my stairs creaked when someone walked up or down them (stairs are gone). I miss all the little quirks of the house that is no longer there.

Am I complaining? I guess in some ways, I am. Does this mean that I feel any less grateful for all that I DO have? No. But I have to admit I have been struggling lately. Feeling waves of emotions unlike any others. I guess it is grief. But I have felt grief before and this feels different. Maybe it is because it seems so wrong to be feeling it. I have my sons, my granddaughter, and a handful of close friends. I have food and clothing and a roof over my head. I have all that I need. AND yet, I feel lost.

When I stand within the framework of my new home, I look out and see the skeleton of the old. How many of us get to really live with a physical (or wooden) metaphor life? I can go to my property and stand between the past and the future.

The rooms where my sons and I spent years growing, changing, playing, studying, sleeping, arguing, laughing, living are disappearing. New rooms are appearing. If all goes according to plan, my sons will visit and a little more of our lives together will be spent in these rooms. Where the old house stands, I envision gardens overflowing with flowers and vegetables. I hope to utilize the land and the space that I have in a much more efficient and self-sufficient manner than I have before. I have always wanted to be a much more self-sufficient person. I hope to find a balance and a happiness within myself. I promise to feel the peace, love, and joy that our world intended. As I struggle to find peace within, I will create beauty around me..... That is my goal.